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Sorting through it all is a head-spinning experience, which is why we’ve done all the dirty work for you. Here — after hours spent analyzing each second of the clip until our eyeballs frizzled in our skulls — is our pop-culture cheat sheet for Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” video, alphabetized and cross-referenced for your convenience.

“Batman”: Classic ’60s-era TV series starring Adam West — animated “Smack!” and “Wroom!” graphics call to mind the Dark Knight’s “Pow!” and “Zonk!”-assisted fight sequences.

“Caged Heat”: Prototypical chicks-in-prison flick. Gaga’s schlocky, sexually charged jailhouse is ripped right from this 1974 feast of beefed-up guards, brawling babes and naked flesh.

Captain America & Wonder Woman: Iconic crime-fighting comic book superheroes. Beyoncé’s stars-and-stripes uniform during her post-murder-spree dance-sequence riff on the Captain’s color scheme and the Woman’s silhouette.

Diet Coke: Refreshing, sugar-free carbonated beverage, dangerous when coupled with Mentos. Doubles as Gaga’s impromptu hair-curlers during video’s “catfight” sequence.

Doom: English crust-punk band that burned brightly from 1987-1990, faded away, then reformed this year. Their logo is visible on Gaga’s studded leather jacket during same sequence.

Double-Breasted Drive-Thru: Logo seen on cup in Beyoncé’s P—y Wagon. Does not actually exist, though it could be a reference to the “Double D’s Drive-Thru” made (somewhat) famous on FunnyOrDie.com.

Germanotta, Natali: Gaga’s younger sister. Looks eerily similar to pre-The Fame Gaga. Also looks eerily like a de-thawed Snooki. Appears in the video’s prison scenes.

Hermaphrodite: Rumors that Gaga was a hermaphrodite were widespread in 2009. They are jokingly referenced by one of the prison guards who, after stripping Gaga in her jail cell, remarks, “I told you she didn’t have a d—.”

“High and Dry”: Single off Radiohead’s 1995 album The Bends. Two videos were filmed for the song, one of which is set in a diner very similar to the one in “Telephone.” The fact that death (and contemplative drinking of coffee) is involved in both is also noteworthy.

Jackson, Michael: Late, great King of Pop. Gaga pays tribute to him by breaking into an MJ-esque shuffle after being bailed out of jail.

“Kill Bill”: Quentin Tarantino’s two-part martial arts epic. Uma Thurman’s garish P—y Wagon reappears as Gaga and Beyoncé’s getaway mobile.

LaChapelle, David: Photographer/director whose hyper-saturated work is clearly a touchstone for much of the video, particularly the scenes that feature Gaga wrapped in electric-yellow police tape.

Lava: Majestic female Great Dane, sister of the late Rumpus. Both featured prominently in Gaga’s “Poker Face” video and Lava has since worked with Gaga in “Bad Romance.” She is visible in the diner sequences in “Telephone.”

“Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels”: Guy Ritchie’s stylized take on the crime genre. The quick-cutting, sound effect-heavy diner murder scene is vintage Ritchie.

Madonna: Undisputed pop legend. Gaga has teamed with her in the past (on “Saturday Night Live”), and her short blond tresses in the prison dance sequence seem like a direct homage to Madge’s hairstyle in the “Vogue” video.

Meyer, Russ: The campy king of sexploitation cinema. Top-heavy women in lingerie, the mix of female violence and sensuality, the often shoestring-budget aesthetic — all this and more points directly at Meyer.

“Natural Born Killers”: Woody Harrelson and Juliette Lewis’ serial-killing satire. With the diner’s dusty locale, Gaga and Beyoncé’s gleeful massacre and the send-up of news media reportage, “NBK” has its bloody fingerprints all over “Telephone.”

Page, Bettie: Exotic pinup queen of the 1950s. Her short-banged look is mirrored by Beyoncé in the “Telephone” video (and, for that matter, the “Video Phone” clip too.)

“Pulp Fiction”: Quentin Tarantino’s Oscar-winning gangland revelation. From the diner setting to the casual “Honey” pet names that Gaga and Beyoncé exchange, Tarantino’s 1994 gun-and-drug-soaked adventure pops up again and again in this music video.

Radio KUK: Fictional station heard on the P—y Wagon’s radio. Could be an homage to the “Grand Theft Auto” franchise, or KLON radio, the station that makes an appearance on the Queens of the Stone Age’s 2007 album Songs for the Deaf. Or we may be reaching a tad.

Rodriguez, Jai: Former “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” culture expert. Makes a cameo as a TV reporter following the carnage inside the diner.

Semi Precious Weapons: Gaga’s pals and tourmates. Appear in the diner sequence, where they are poisoned.

“Thelma & Louise”: Geena Davis and Susan Sarandon’s female-empowerment road movie. As Gaga and Beyoncé clasp hands and drive off into the unknown, there can be no mistaking the allusion to this film’s speeding-car-off-a-cliff shocker of an ending.

Twain, Shania: Canadian-born pop-country star. The leopard skin outfit she wears in her “That Don’t Impress Me Much” video seems to have directly inspired Gaga’s getup towards the end of “Telephone,” when she performs in front of the P—y Wagon.

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1-2-3 L-O-V-E (love-love yeah)
What’s up America and the rest of the World
It’s the piedpiper, your music weatherman
It’s love-o’clock and we’re broadcasting live
Right here from the Chocolate Factory
Where music ain’t just music
But hit music, let’s go

Steppers to the floor, steppers to the floor
Steppers to the floor, steppers to the floor
Steppers to the floor, steppers to the floor
Steppers to the floor, steppers to the floor
Steppers to the floor, steppers to the floor
Steppers to the floor, steppers to the floor
Steppers to the floor, steppers to the floor
Steppers to the floor

Hello world
It’s a great day
Be thankful
Put a smile on your face
And nothing but blue skies
Tell somebody hi
Get your car shined
It’s the weekend
And I can feel the love
Tonight I’m gonna hit the club
I’m in casual linen shirt and pants
I can’t wait to dance
This is your weatherman
It’s gonna be…

Sunshine
No signs of rain
Blue skies
It’s your weatherman
Happy people steppin’ out tonight
And they look so good
And they feel so right
Said…

Said the forcast today
Is love all around
This club is full of joy
Nobody’s feeling down
Peace all day
Don’t you worry about a thing
Just go out and have some fun
And everything will be okay, yeah
Happy homes
And best friends
The clouds are gone
Said the weatherman, yeah

Sunshine
No signs of rain (nothing but)
Blue skies
It’s your weatherman
Happy people steppin out tonight
And they look so good
And they feel so right (right)
Yeah (yeah)

Yo what’s going on chi town and the rest of the World
You’re listening to the Chocolate Factory
Where music ain’t just music
But hit music
It’s Kellz, your music weatherman
And forecasts show we gonna be playing hits all day
Goodtimes, sunny skies
Everybody’s feeling fine
Happy hearts, positive minds
It’s all coming right here from the Chocolate Factory
Yeah, this album was designed to touch your soul
And put your spirit at ease
So uh, Happy People baby

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Oooo Yeah Yeah Yeah Ooo Yeah Yeah Yeah Check 12 Its the piper
AKA Kellz I’m in the bulding
Right now and im looking for nothin
But steppa Tell me where
Tha steppas Where r all the steppas
Ooo Ooo Ooo I fell good i mean
I dont mean to brag but um

Custom green suits apple gators
Hundred thousand on my wrist
Geeky shiny poopy climbing
White T Ella outfits
Jump out styling ladies smilin
Popa roxies everywhere
Hummer stretches limo lexis
Pull up while people stoppin stare
Like we’re on t.v.

[Chorus:]
Sometimes life can be like a dream
When you’re livin on a big screen
Fancy cars Movie stars
Red carpet and big applause
limoseumzs and search lights
This is how we gone do it tonight
So
Pause,Flash Pause,Flash
Pause,Flash Pause,Flash
U and your partner r so so clean
So take a picture for tha memory
Pause,Flash Pause,Flash
Pause,Flash Pause,Falsh

Ooo I wanna go steppin now
Im bout to climb All I need is
My partner
We go together like a hand an glove
Ooo DJ put tha record on
Be sure its my favorite song
Step in the name of love
Step in the name of love
Yeah ooo ooo ooo like we’re all
On t.v.

[Repeat Chorus]

You know us and how we like to
Dress up and go out and hit
Tha club I’m not leavin here
Until I take me a picture
Cameraman just wait till I’m ready
On 3 ya’ll 123 say cheese

[Repeat Chorus]

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Yeah, yeah, yeah
Woah, woah, woah

There are
So many people around the world lacking love
So many people don’t know how to love one another
So many people walk around low self-estime
And so many people for no reason so dog on me

(Watch my feet while I step) watch me
(See my smile while I step) see my smile
(Feel my vibe while I step) and how I’m sending out those love…

(Love signals) tell me can you feel my
(Love signals) now you send out your
(Love signals) now the room is filled with
(Love signals) love signals

Now there’s
So many of us have little faith and insecurities
And so many of us so easy to give up on our dreams
There’s so many of us that’s quick to say let’s go war
And so many of us that’s raising our hands and saying war no more

(Watch my feet while I step) watch my feet
(See my smile while I step) see my smile, yeah
(Feel my vibe while I step) yeah, I’m sending out those love signals

(Love signals) hoping you can feel it, yeah, yeah
(Love signals) now send it right back to me
(Love signals) now this place is filled with
(Love signals)

(May I?) I just wanna touch your soul
(May I?) let me pour into you
(May I?) fill you with my joy
(May I?) and make you feel brand new
(May I?) stepping is therapy
(May I?) healing both you and me
(May I?) that’s why I’m sending
(May I?) out love signals

(Love signals) hoping you can feel it
(Love signals) you, now send it right back to me, oh
(Love signals) now this place is filled with
(Love signals) oh yeah yeah, sending out those love
(Love signals) signals, tell me can you feel it
(Love signals) now send it right back to me, yeah
(Love signals) now the place is filled with
(Love signals) love, I’m talking about love (send it out your love) hey
(Love signals) love (send it out your love) I’m sending it out, you send it to me
(Love signals) (send it out) send me your love signals
(Love signals) oh yeah
(Love signals)

Donnie Lowell, break it down, uh
Now you know when a track feels this good
I gotta break it down and do my thing
So listen, this is what we gonna do
We gonna play a little game
But we gonna put a little twist to this steppers thing
This is what we gonna do
We gonna take a little journey into love
Now when I start to sing
I want all the couples to just separate for a minute from their partners
That’s right, you gonna come right back
But I want you to just separate when I start sing
I’m-a tell you what to do
As you start to step around the room
I want you to look at all the Happy People in the room
And I want you to touch them
And when you touch them
This is what I want you to say
Ya’ll ready? C’mon
One, two, three, separate

Somebody touch somebody, tell somebody you love somebody
(I love you) step (I love you) step (I love you) step (I love you)
Somebody touch somebody, tell somebody you love somebody
(I love you) step (I love you) step (I love you) step (I love you)
Somebody touch somebody, tell somebody you love somebody
(I love you) step (I love you) step (I love you) step (I love you)
Somebody touch somebody, tell somebody you love somebody
Now go back (I love you) find your partner (I love you, I love you, I love you)

Now send out those love signals

Chocolate Factory ya’ll
Sending out love signals to all those that may be lacking love
It’s Kellz, your music weatherman
Wayne Williams our in house DJ ya’ll, uh
Uncle Live, uncle Love, the stepping twins
I see you
Regina and George Daniels
I love you baby
We just down at the Chocolate Factory having fun, ya’ll
So if you want to call in to the Chocolate Factory the number is
1-2-3-L-O-V-E
Love yeah (you-ou-ouuu)

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Hey yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Oh woah woah oh
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Woah woah oh

It seems we’ve lost our touch
Used to be so in love, yeah, uh
But somehow we’ve gotten off-track
And we never really got it back, no, yeah
I think we better find a way, yeah
And get right back to the good old days, good old days
Wanna make it to Heaven’s gate, yeah (oh)
And we need to escalate, I need

I need direction (I need direction)
To that street called love (to that street called love, yeah)
Lead me to that road (trying to get home, yeah)
Trying to get home (oh, take me to love street, yeah)

Now life is gone and skipped a beat
Tell me where are all the dancing feet, yeah
Boy I tell you there’s always something going on
Tell me why can’t we all just get along
Keep struggling (yeah) just to get by, oh (oh)
So many hills, mountains to climb, yeah
We should all be ashamed of ourselves
‘Cause if we don’t love ourselves
Tell me how can we love somebody else?

I need direction (we need direction)
To that street called love (to that street called love yeah)
Lead me to that road (I’m trying to get home)
Trying to get home (come on and take me to love street)

Sunday morning (yeah)
People are dressed up (yeah)
Ready to go and have some… Church
(And I remember feeling so joyful)
On the East side or the West side
Or the North side or the South side
You were at … Church
(So tell me what is all this fighting for)
Somebody’s always pounding out (woah)
Somebody’s always hanging bout (woah)
(We have got to figure out how to get right back to love street)

I need directions (we need direction, woah)
To that street called love (to that street called love)
Lead me to that road (trying to get home)
Trying to get home (would you take me straight to love street)
I need directions (I need some direction yeah)
To that street called love (yes I do, yes I do)
Lead me to that road (please let me lead me to)
Trying to get home

Heard somebody say (Toot-toot-beep-beep)
Heard somebody say (Tell me how to get to love street) yeah
Heard somebody say (Toot-toot-beep-beep) yeah
Heard somebody say, yeah (Tell me how to get to love street) Yeah
Here we go, here we go, here we go

You make a right on L
Make a left on O
Come to a green light
And that’s when you can go
You keep straight on V
Until you come to E
That’s when you see a big sign that says
Welcome to Love Street

I need direction (welcome to my street)
To that street called love (yeah yeah [welcome] yeah hey)
Lead me to that road (Lead me to that road yeah)
Trying to get home (Oh yeah oh)

(Tell me how to get to love street)
Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, yeah, woah
(Tell me how to get to love street)

Pied-piper, your music weatherman
It’s love o’clock ya’ll
And ya’ll listing to the sounds of the Chocolate Factory
This next one goes out to the ladies
Ladies Night, Happy People baby!

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